by the Supremely Awesome Guest Blogger Karl Thomson
Last night, the delightful Mspr1nt and I started discussing the magic of Sachin, and before long the magic of Brian Lara was brought up. There was so much magic, in fact, that it became pathetic schoolgirl crush gushing with whiffs of giggles.
Our collective conclusion was they are equally magical, but that’s no fun is it? This is the Internet, and we demand ANSWERS.
Without further ado, may I present Paddlesweep’s latest original series: Karl Thomson present’s Karl Thomson’s Showdowns of the Greatest Cricketers of all Time, by Karl Thomson.
Brian Lara vs. Sachin Tendulkar.
Round 1: Sizing up the contestants.
In the red corner: Brian “400 not out, mahn” Lara
Brief Bio: Brian Charles Lara is the West Indies’ greatest luminary (if you ignore Viv Richards and Courtney Walsh, but they will get their spot in the limelight later), who dominated nineties cricket through exquisite batting and excellent captaining. He could bowl too, but that’s not why we are here are we?
His career started in 1990, against Pakistan in Tests (remember those, you T20 loving preteens?) and ODIs. At the tender age of 21, he was representing his country. At 21 I was finding cheap bars to waste what little potential I had on, by comparison.
Claim to fame: We could spend all day discussing Lara’s laundry list of achievements, so I’ll give you the abridged version. He scored 400, FOUR HUNDRED, in a single Test match. NOT OUT. In first class Test cricket, he scored 501, NOT OUT. In ODI’s, a solidly outlandish 169. Not convinced by those figures? Let’s look at averages: 52.88 in tests, 40.48 in ODI’s, and 51.88 in first class. All while captaining his team to the hearts and minds of cricket fans around the world. Also, he breaks records like I break bread, with alarming frequency.
In the blue corner: Sachin “I like my ODI centuries like I like my women, two at a time” Tendulkar
Brief Bio: Sachin Tendulkar started playing for his country at the tenderer age of 16. While I was discovering women, he was beginning his record breaking career. Most overall runs in tests? Check. Most overall runs in ODIs? Check. Handsomest man in cricket, neigh the world? Check. He actually started his international career a year before Lara, also against Pakistan.
Claim to fame: While he doesn’t have the quadruple appeal of Lara, his averages are preposterous. 55.57 in Tests and 45.12 in ODIs are quite frankly remarkable, being rounded off with a first class average of 59.15. All that is worthless when you consider he is the only man who has scored a double ton in an ODI. He has two five-wicket hauls in ODIs too. Remember all those records Lara set? The Little Master broke most of them, for fun.
Round 2: The Lightning Round
Separating these two on actual achievements will take far too long, as it’s almost impossible to separate these two legitimate cricket legends. Time to use pure conjecture.
Who is the better lover? Lara strikes me as the passionate kind, who will rip clothes off and ask questions later, before lighting a cigarette in suave and satisfied way. Sachin would make you dinner first, before tapping a candlelit bath, filled with rose petals. Afterwards, he would cuddle you, and listen to every word you say with an attentive look on that handsome face. While some would opt for Lara, I think Sachin takes it on long lasting appeal.
Who would win in a fight? Lara is built from Jamaican muscle and sinew, hardened from years of beef jerk and rum, while Sachin has the more dainty “I take my curries mild please” kinda look. Lara wins.
Who would win in a time-based gameshow? Lara has the patience to last 5 days, and its something he could do in his sleep. Sachin can do the same, but he could do more over that period. Lara wins on explosive appeal here, since that’s more exciting on a gameshow.
Who is a better driver? Lara would drive fast and loose, as that’s how he likes his women. Sachin has the fine touch, which makes him safe and effective.
Who can pull of an Armani suit better: Lara’s bullish appeal fails him here; Sachin could pull of a mouldy hemp sack.
Who would win in a drinking contest: This is a no-brainer. The men who hail from the Windies have livers made from titanium, while those from the Hindu nation prefer tea, or something.
Who makes my heart flutter: Sachin
Who could fix a washing machine: If Lara stared at it for about five minutes, it would hastily fix itself, all while Sachin was busy studying the manual. Silly Sachin.
Who makes my swoon like a 14 year old to a Backstreet Boy: Sachin.
Who would make a better drug dealer: Sachin doesn’t have the cajones to break kneecaps on those who pay a moment late. Also, 5 foot 5 is hardly intimidating. Lara, on the other hand….
Whose name is starts with an S and ends with an N: See what I did there?
Overall winner of the prestigious Paddlesweep Most Magical award: With a soild six out of ten, Sachin wins!
In summation, the sheer phenomenon of the Little Master is completely irresistible. He continually sets the bar for all cricketers to this day, and has surely inspired a generation. While Lara’s career is worth everyone’s respect, Sachin’s demands it.
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
Awesome! I have read and written hundreds of cricketing analysis – all arguing for SRT… but this one beats them all!
.-= Shridhar Jaju´s last blog ..SRT v LEE AND SANGA – MAHELA v LASITH MALINGA =-.
Good choice of winner!
Lara had no choice but to score all those runs because his teammates didn’t, but damn he’s stylish. I think he’s from Trinidad though, not Jamaica
.-= Rishabh´s last blog ..Not quite there =-.
Trinidad, Jamaica, all the same place
. He did have to carry the team abit, but hotdamn that team was once chock a block full of greats.
Yep, Trinidad indeed
.-= mspr1nt´s last blog ..Cute XI…here’s the rest (well, the all rounder) =-.
Nice post dude
.-= Osho Garg´s last blog ..Contact =-.
Yep, Trinidad indeed
.-= Blogger Tips and Tricks´s last blog ..How to add Different Meta tags to Different Blogger Posts =-.
Enjoyed this one found it quit funny, Lara is from Trinidad not Jamaica. And they are not the same place ( Karl Thomson ) that would be like saying England and Ireland is the same place.