The thing about hype is, if you screw up and disappoint, people are generally a lot more disappointed that what they would have been had you not made such a fuss about it in the first place. It’s like making a huge blunder in an argument and then getting defensive when you are challenged.
IPL time is coming closer and, there has been surprisingly little hype considering all the “new” aspects that will be brought in this season. 3D, elephants, fire dancers, free screenings, rocket ships….okay, I made most of that up, but you get the point. Aside from the standard “this will be the best yet” mumbo jumbo, it’s all been pretty hushed. Unless, of course, Lalit K Modi is planning some crazy marketing campaign with strippers and champagne and private lap dances for all the fans.
This is pretty unlikely but the reason I am going on about this and why I am trying to “warn” Mr. Modi is that I went to go see one of the most hyped movies of the year thus far, Alice in Wonderland, and left with my childhood destroyed and a feeling of being robbed and even a little violated.
My whole afternoon was wasted – a beautiful summery, sunny Cape Town afternoon, wasted. I would not recommend anyone to watch this movie unless you have nothing better to do. And I mean, nothing. Like, unless it’s winter and it’s snowing and a nuclear bomb has just hit.
Movies seem to think that a 3D element automatically makes things cool these days, not so. Let’s hope Mr. Modi knows this…
Prompted by limerick writer and general people pisser offer David Bird yesterday as to what my problem is with the national side and what exactly I would change I had to think a little. Not so much about what I would change but about what it is about that I hate so much.
I think my biggest gripe with the team is the very buddy-buddy feeling there is between certain players. So often, in my opinion, South Africa does not look like a team. We all know that there are players in the team who are only there because of their skin colour but even when a player of colour does well it just seems as if though he would never make it into the certain cliques. Kallis, Boucher. Smith, Kallis. AB, Kallis. It’s a pain. And as much as I like to make fun of Harro, he is just the white trash refugee who people like to pick on cause he is too kind to fight back.
As for the changes, first and foremost, I would sack Smith as captain and give the armband to Hashim Amla. South Africa is a lovely country with a complex history and a colourful bunch of people. Amla is an excellent role model to kids in a country so diverse with the difference between the rich and the poor as vast as the difference between Paul Harris and Shane Warne but we all look up to our national teams. Smith is an arrogant, selfish little rich boy and he couldn’t be humble if he was a disciple.
My team would look like this.
Graeme Smith
Alviro Petersen
Hashim Amla (capt)
Jacques Kallis
AB de Villiers
Mangaliso Mosehle (wkt)
JP Duminy
Dale Steyn
Morne Morkel
Imran Tahir
Lonwabo Tsotsobe
12th man – Brett Pesler
I would keep Duminy in the side for his bowling and develop the little bit of talent he does seem to have in order to turn him into a bowling all-rounder who can frustrate teams when it matters. Tsotsobe comes in for Parnell, both left-armers. Parnell needs some time to develop and I’ll leave him to develop in the one-day arena.
I’ve never been a fan of Morkel and every little bit of like I had for him disappeared during the tour of Australia when he was bowling 2000000 extras per over. When you are in the office at 1am, alone and nobody to bitch to about inconsistency you tend to scream at the desk and then just start hating the players who are frustrating you so much. But he gets to stay, for now.
Alviro gets to stay purely because I’ve wanted him in the national side since they dropped Neil Mac.
Mark Boucher goes and new, younger keeper comes in. For no other reason than what happened to Makayha Ntini. Boucher might not be one of my favourite people but he is a good player and he has been a prominent part of the South African team. I would rather have him retire in his prime than see him fade out like a forgotten child star after he gets given a fridge.
As keeper I’d select Mangaliso Mosehle, to keep the quota punters happy and to start shaping him for a future. The boy is 19 and has a high score of 74 in frist class cricket, averaging 22.89 in 13 matches, I know that’s not a whole lot but I really believe that young players need to be brought in as young as possible in order to be developed into superstars. The pressure of the international arena might prove to be a bit much for a youngster but he might just turn up and surprise everyone. There’s also Heino Kuhn….
I’ll sort out Imran Tahir’s visa and whatever other issues he has got, bribe somebody if I must, but do whatever it takes to get him in the national side.
Brett Pesler, a number two from North West get the 12th man gig. With a top score of 163 and an average of 56.19 in 17 matches this 24 year old might be worth a try, no? If needs be, I’ll try shuffle the order or put him lower down somewhere….if JP or Alviro or whoever else fails. I’m all for wielding the axe if players do not perform.
South Africa haven’t really ever been able to produce the calibre of players like Australia, India and the old West Indies were able to. We don’t really have the Ricky Ponting and Adam Gilchrists. There are no Sachin Tendulkars and Rahul Dravids and certainly no Brian Laras or Curtley Ambroses. The Proteas, in my opinion, have a problem with producing legendary, cult like players who can have a slump in form and come with a bang.
Or start with a bang and just keep going with a bang. Yes, Kallis has scored plenty of runs and Smith has done a decent job but they just don’t sit with me like my other cricketing heroes do. Therefore, I would rather have players go once they have served their time instead of giving them a fridge and banishing them to the domestic league where they’ll be left to rot.
So, my dear friend David, to answer your question about what I would change….a damn awful lot.
I had a dream last night that Mickey Arthur killed himself because he was so embarrassed by South Africa’s performance. Gosh.
I should be upset. I should, but I am not. In fact, I have a smug grin on my say and I don’t hate to say it but I told you so. South Africa are quite average. They lack killer instinct and, they’ve tied the noose…all they need to do is choke now.
Good friend Purna said that the reason South Africa will win this series is because they went into it as underdogs. I pointed out that we need not worry. They’ll get themselves into the favourites position and still end up choking. And they are now a few innings away.
Most of you who read this blog (are there any of you?) will know that, even though I am a South African, I actually don’t really like the national side. I support them, of course, I have to but I am not deluded. In truth, there is more wrong with the national side than what’s right.
After winning the first Test (I dunno how they did it either) everybody was quick to praise Corrie van Zyl and say that all the changes came at the right time. Er…changes? Funny that the only changes that were made to the team saw the Saffers slump and despite Alviro (bless him) scoring 100 in the first innings the rest of the team was their normal average self. Ashwell Prince’s time is up and Duminy should either be developed into a specialist spinner or he must go. After what he did in Australia we all knew that he had set the bar too high for himself, living up to something like that match-saving knock is not easy. Let’s hope for Alviro’s sake the same doesn’t happen to him.
If Alviro’s presence does prove fruitful, the team needs to be reconstructed, drastically. It’s funny how much of an impact one single player can make, VVS Laxman has played a huge role in helping India into the position they currently find themselves in and Alviro has the chance to do the same for South Africa.
But let’s not kid ourselves. India look a much stronger, hungrier, killer instinct type than what they did in the first Test and the Saffers have Everest to climb.
PS. Did anybody watch Martin Two Toe Guptill and Brendon McCullum get out in the 180s?
Thought not.
Today is Valentines Day, you know that already.
If cricketers were to celebrate the day with colleagues, forget past differences and proverbially kiss and make up, who would they pick?
I have a few ideas, I am sure you do two.
The aim is to find the top 5 cricketing individual rivalries which got ugly and ask them to make up.
All you have to do is suggest the pairs of cricketers. You can name more or less than 5.
Off you go, the comments section and @paddlesweep are waiting for you.
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