SA vs India – 1st Test Preview

Apparently there is a Test series of sorts about to start. In all honesty, I’d forgotten about it. Not because I don’t care, more because I have a bad memory.

I was lucky enough to spend some time watching Sachin Tendulkar, Virender Sehwag, Rahul Dravid and all those other guys practice at the Claremont Cricket Club about a week ago, but that’s boring stuff. As boring as me telling you that Hashim Amla is the key man for South Africa and this is Ashwell Prince’s final chance to prove his worth.

Nay, instead, I shall look at what South Africa need to do to beat India. Because, as we all know, South Africa’s record against India on our home turf is, well, poor. It’s for that reason that India are probably one of my most hated sides in cricket. More hated than England, in fact, and I base my hatred for them solely on my Motherly Unit. It’s her fault I started loving this god-forsaken sport in the first place and I very much remember her moaning about just how impossible India are to beat. I digress.

Apparently these are the top two ranked teams in the world. Top two? Top two!? Top two worst bowling sides in the world, maybe! Aside from Australia, but they don’t even count.

How can South Africa beat India in the first Test:

1. The short ball. Is it a bird, is it a bouncer, no it’s the myth of the short ball. If Morne Morkel can stop bowling no balls, maybe the short ball can do them in.

2. Hurt Harbajhan Singh, give him a dodgy curry if you have to. While the wicket at Centurion won’t exactly be turning, the Turdunator will surely get some bounce. We all know that as the myth of the short ball echoes through the blogging halls, so does the myth of South Africans sucking at playing spin. Get rid of Twatajhan early on and you eliminate the risk of him doing well and ruining my birthday.

3. Play with Gary Kirsten’s emotions. Kirsten is a very intense man and probably one of the best coaches in the game.  During batting practice out on the square, or even in the nets, Kirsten will stroll half way down the pitch and start throwing down balls at batsmen. And he throws them bloody hard. Hard enough to break a leg. If we could crack this tough exterior and remind Kirsten of just how much he loves South Africa, maybe he will go soft on the Indian team and instead of throwing balls at them really hard, he will go galloping over the mine dumps of the East Rand with a twinkle in his eye as he so fondly remembers the leafy suburb of Newlands with Table Mountain as a backdrop. Oh Gary, why did you leave us? Why would you ever want to hurt us?

4. Lastly, and this probably won’t help South Africa win, but it will ensure a draw.

Pray for  rain.

Actually, we don’t even need to do that.

Rain is forecast for Pretoria for Thursday and as the locals will tell you, those Highveld thunderstorm can come out of nowhere.

Don’t be surprised if the first Test ends up being a draw.

Tagged as: India in South Africa 2010