After a big hoo-haa yesterday about Graeme Smith being set to resign as captain in all formats, the news emerged that Smithers is quitting as T20 captain with immediate effect and will only step down as captain in ODIs after the ODI World Cup in the sub-continent next year. This was the biggest climax of the year for me but I do know who is to blame for Biff’s ‘shock’ retirement.
The person who caused this retirement is none other than Shahid Afridi. Afridi has been setting the ‘retirement’ and quitting as captain trend since the late 2000s and since then, everybody has wanted to jump on the bandwagon. You see, the amount of publicity for new sponsors that Afridi has generated by his on again/off again captaincy approach has been unfathomable.
He has done so well with his approach that the new Pakistan sponsor is ‘Boom Boom’. That’s some bad ass marketing right there.
The rumours are going around that Smith will probably take back his resignation as T20 captain when South Africa get pummelled by Zimbabwe and Cricket South Africa will beg him to return as the Saffers choke, not only on the pies bowled by Greg Lamb but also the pies in the dressing room.
Castle will swiftly revoke their sponsorship and Biff’s Boerewors will be embroided on the shirts as the pretty little Saffas head on over to the sub-continent to climb mountains and, apparently, play some cricket. This will result in a huge public assault from KFC, the current official sponsor of the Proteas’ food.
Things will go from bad to worse and South Africa will not even be allowed to choke in the quarter or semi-finals and they will crash out in the group stages. It is then that the one the call The Holy Bearded One will appear to all, at a shiny Cricket South Africa press conference where the lights are shining and the smiles are as fake as the breasts in a strip club. He will be made captain in Tests and ODIs and the South African team will live happily ever after.
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Someone tell Biff it’s never sensible to follow in Afridi’s footsteps or he’ll have his brains up for auction at a psychological research centre too just like Shahid.
Oh, how I hope Hash the Bearded one makes his appearance at the presser quickly and becomes cap’n. Our Saffers will be the noblest team on earth.
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