PaddleShopping

The PaddleShopper: Shane Warne launches new product range called “Bloody Liar”

April 18, 2011

  Shane Warne has denied claims he used Botox or had a facelift, saying his astonishinlgy new youthful look was to do with moisturisers, healthy eating and exercise. He admitted he used moisturisers, “New Estee Lauder moisturisers for my skin have made a big difference,” he said. On hearing his comments, Estee Lauder immediately contracted him [...]

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The PaddleShopper: It was no Thriller, it was just bad…

March 24, 2011

After a crushing 10-wicket defeat at the hands of Pakistan, the West Indies limped out of the World Cup looking like they’d had the life sucked out them. I’m sure this time they were getting stoned on the bus home, and singing “Who’s Bad?”.

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The PaddleShopper: Shoaib Akhtar looks ahead to life after cricket…

March 17, 2011

  Shoaib Akhtar will retire from the International cricket at the end of the ICC World Cup, bringing to an end one of cricket’s most compelling and entertaining careers. Where to now for the Rawalpindi Express?  Rumour has it, he would like to get involved in community health awareness projects…

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The PaddleShopper: O’Crap!!

March 3, 2011

  He’s lean, he’s green, he’s Kevin O’Brien! O’Brien stunned England with the fastest hundred in World Cup history, bludgeoned a stunning 113 off 63 deliveries. So raise your glass, paint it green and hit it!

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The PaddleShopper: The Day South Africa played themselves and WON!

February 23, 2011

The ICC Cricket World Cup, Group B match between England and the Netherlands, featured no less than seven South African born players. If you think most of them were in the Dutch team… think again…

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The PaddleShopper: The Pakistan Three

February 7, 2011

The ICC said it is “satisfied” with the verdict and punishments handed out to three Pakistan players (Salman Butt, Mohammad Asif and Mohammad Amir) on Saturday on charges of spot-fixing during the Lord’s Test last summer. Well I am not. I think they should be banned for life and put to work on a chain gang.

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The PaddleShopper: This is your Captain, @GraemeSmith49 speaking…

February 4, 2011

According to a tweet by “@MichaelJordaan Minister of Sports on Morning Live called Protea Captain: Grant Smith.”
Grant, Graeme, Graham, Gary, Greg… what’s the difference? At least he got the Smith bit right. I like to call him Biff anyway.

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The PaddleShopper: The Proteas Not So Secret Weapon

January 24, 2011

Graeme Smith said having an attacking spinner like Imran Tahir in his side is “something that I have dreamt of throughout my captaincy.” Tahir did not play a single game in the five match ODI series. So much for making your dreams come true. Thanks for that CSA selectors.
In explanation of Tahir’s exclusion, Smith later said “he has been shielded to make him a surprise package during the World Cup”. A surprise package? There hasn’t been a surprise package in International cricket since Gogga Adams chucked a ball with his head up his arse!
Surely CSA don’t think there is no video footage of Tahir. It’s not like he’s an unknown quantity either. According to CricInfo, Tahir has played for 10 different teams since he started his 1st class career in 1996; from Lahore, Yorkshire, Middlesex, Hampshire, the Titans and now the Dolphins. Surprise package or secret weapon? I don’t think so…

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The PaddleShopper: No IPL For Old Men

January 10, 2011

At the end of the largest two-day sports ‘auction’ in the world, the IPL is no longer a place for old men. The notable exclusion of Lara, Ganguly, Gibbs and Jayasuriya is proof of this. The IPL is no longer a place where old cricketers go to make money (and eventually die).
It is now the home of the Young Guns… but that’s a whole ‘nother PaddleShop altogether.
And as for Chris Gayle, no-one knows why he wasn’t bought. Maybe it’s because no-one can understand a word he says?

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The PaddleShopper: Give that man a Beer!

December 10, 2010

Australia’s selectors have sprung a major surprise by naming the little-known spinner Michael Beer in their 12-man squad for the Perth Test. I’m sure that wasn’t what Ricky meant when he said… “Strewth, I need a beer”.

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