21 Days. That’s how much time is left before the first Ashes Test kicks off in Brisbane and Australia begin their quest not to be completely humilated on their own turf and, of course, to not lose the Ashes.
It feels like just yesterday when it was a year away, doesn’t it? I must say, though, the media hype surrounding this year’s tour has been rather subdued. This must be because CSA are forging a conspiracy to defraud all other cricketing nations of the limelight with their tense one-day wins and Herschelle Gibbs ‘dirty little secret’ book. Bloody South African attention hoggers.
The Ashes is always hard for a Saffa because we never know who to support and while some swear that it’s a simple choice and the answer is: England of course, I just can’t side with the nation who can here and brutally murdered so many of my ancestors. I’m Afrikaans, we’ve got beef. On principle I also cannot support any side that has Kevin Pietersen in it so, for this year, I pledge my allegiance to Australia. At least I won’t be disappointed when they lose, we’re used to losing under pressure, us Saffas.
But wait, there is hope yet for Australia and there is one thing the Aussies can use to their advantage to beat South Africa B, rip off KP’s head and give him a good rodgering in the skull….
The absence of the WAGS.
A little while ago it was announced that the Pommie WAGS will be banned from ‘the early stages of the Ashes tour’ which means that this is the ideal time for the Australians to get their hands a little dirty. The gold digging whores, I mean WAGs of the English cricket team, will only be allowed to head Down Under after the second Test which means that Australia have plenty of time to lead the English side astray and they have none other than HershyBru to thank for helping them realize that their power lies in their lasses.
If Gibbs is to be believed then Aussie girls ‘aren’t afraid to tell you what they want’ and what is better on-the-edge-living than a little bit of rompy-pompy with an English/South African cricketer?
The plan is simple: round up a whole bunch of girls, willing ones, ones that won’t be afraid to tell you what they want and get these girls to get down and dirty with the English cricketers. I’m not sure if Aussie girls can be bribed, but they might have to spend some money to make money. Bribe the girls if needed, get photos, videos, any sort of scandal creating new media and sell it off to the tabloids.
Cue a whole bunch of upset WAGs and we all know that hell hath no fury like a gold digging whore, I mean woman, scorned. Create unrest by ruining relationships and then start with the sledging like: “how’s your wife and my kids”.
If you can’t beat them physically, beat them down mentally until they cry and whimper and lose the Ashes in Australia, again.
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Bingle to the rescue? (I feels she owes us somehow.)
Where the bloody hell is she?